my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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