It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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