I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What a dumb baby whore.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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