And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
zippers are such a cool invention
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
