I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
