dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I smell stomach acid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
