Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
ttyl tear gas
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
