so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
