Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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