i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I die, sorry about rent.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
