it wasn't lemon gatorade
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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