I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
