Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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