Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
