dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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