he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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