my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
