saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
