im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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