There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
honey bunches of taint.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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