I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
