Cold hands, warm shart.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize