This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
