I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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