He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
