A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
