I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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