I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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