is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
