Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
