He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
