we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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