1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
