She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
