We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
