Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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