I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
