Will you blow on my dice?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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