A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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