Your tits are I can't wait for
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
