I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
is it fun? or sober?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
