I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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