I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
