ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
