he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just invented taco cereal.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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