i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
