The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
