I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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