saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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