i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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