guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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