So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
