you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
