Too much gin, very little bucket
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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