It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
