final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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