If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
