She is in my trunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
