Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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