i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
