found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize