I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
