i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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