I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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