Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't turn off my feet"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
do nipples grow back?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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