twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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