no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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