I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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