I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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