so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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