We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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