evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
