Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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