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somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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