So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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