while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
