I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
