We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
