He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
