I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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