are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
