Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
